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Wednesday, April 06, 2011
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As an adopted person, I wanted to avoid the potential complications of a reunion with my birth-parents. So, when my biological father sought me out, I kept my identity a secret, using the adoption agency as a go-between. We maintained a long-term correspondence, though he never knew my name. For eight years, I exchanged intimate letters with a faceless alcoholic serving time in a federal prison for bank robbery. This is our story.
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9 comments:
I have been looking into adopting for a little while now. We've spoke with the government and scheduled our class which starts in mid may (10 weeks, then homestudy). I came across your post in the adoptionforum.com and came here to read your story. I was drawn in by your writing style (although I read it in reverse order...). Now, like a typical American, I want closure on the story but will have to wait :) for you to pen it and clarify how you feel about it. Please continue to write, it is encouraging to see a positive light shed on adoption when so much material is so negative.
We will be adopting an older child (10 to 13) and we expect a challenging adoption. Our child, most likely, won't be a child raised in love. Perhaps she will be born in love or, perhaps she will have experienced the tragic loss of both parents - however, most likley, she will have been subject to the abuse by the parents who were supposed to hold her near and dear. Being her father, I will bear the brunt of her mistrust and constant critical eye as to how I treat her. My prayer is that I will be able to raise her up to be a godly women who will seek out and marry a godly man. I'm planning for the worst and praying for the best, either way, she will be a blessing to my family and I look forward to showing her what a father is supposed to be and give her a model for what a husband should be.
I can only hope she will grow up and know that I love her and she is my daughter and we're a forever family and she doesn't consider us just a long term 'foster' home.
Paul,
Thank you for your words of encouragement.
But more importantly, God bless you and your wife for adopting an older child!
I met a man a few years ago who bounced from foster home to foster home as a child, along with his younger brother. He has memories of being a 5 year old, meeting prospective parents, and then overhearing them say "well, we'd take the younger one..." HEARTBREAKING!
Yes, older children can have a lot of issues. But they need a home. They need consistency, and they need love.
I would love to hear from you again after you've adopted. Have you already met this girl? Please keep me posted on developments. You'll be in my prayers.
No, we just started a couple of months ago. We have 3 bio kids and when we knew the gender of #3 (all boys) we both vaguely mentioned adoption. Two years later, I get serious (I also just got 'fixed') about adoption and contact the state. We have a 10 week course then a homestudy. I suspect we'll have our daughter home sometime around the holidays and the adoption won't be final until 2006. We've not specifically picked out a girl (I feel so ... dirty when I write that way, this is going to be my daughter for life, not a car for a few years) as (we hope) the ones in the system now will be adopted and we'll have had our hearts set on one or another only to have them adopted (which is a good thing, but disappointing for us concurrently). I've started a blog where I'll post how our process is coming along; I think I can link to your blog and I'll do that. Thanks for responding.
Thanks for being open about your life, many people don't have the willingness to expose themselves in that way.
God bless.
I think it’s going to be a great book and I’m certainly going to tell as many people as I can about it.
I read the poem your birth-father wrote you on an al-anon website.
WOW, that was beautiful. That brought tears to my eyes. That is a good reminder that even good people mess up, but we can still love them for who they are and not what the disease has made them become. Thanks for that poem it help me remember what I need to remember about my husband.
with love,
dis5
I've written to your email and you and I have exchanged a few emails.. but wanted to say for all to see and read that I am so hooked on your story I keep checking for new developments. It's wonderful, too , to read the comments and stories others are posting on your blog.
Keep writing and we'll all keep reading with our eye out for your name on the best seller lists.
Jan
Jan,
Coming from you, a published professional writer, and mother to a whole clan of very successful writers (http://www.lgoldberg.com/ and http://www.todgoldberg.com/ among others), that means the world to me! Thank you for your words of encouragement and your sage advice!
With humility and gratitude,
Anne Parker
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